wreck's lyrical keystyle part 2 (check it out; give feedback please)

[Wreck]

i raise the bar like gundolas mixed with cingular
if people are writing me off for the season, consider this my signature
the air is pure, the clouds are clean
and the sun is dark, but wiped in between
like the dust lies fury, and the sky must hurry
like quarterbacks on the run, but i cant see mcnabb because my vision is blurry
time to scurry, runnin away from problems and the police
time sees me on the tv so the minutes become slow, now everybody knows me
the open mic funeral, i have attended
unlike seniors in high school, but i havent lost my courage like my appendix
its essentric, look what these men did
in reference to the soldiers, but america has lost its independance
im amending but vending my thoughts like ink spilled out when its done
and when the game is set in stone, the battle has just begun
im callin out drums, look how you blew out my earpiece
but i teach these rookies something with this like "here thee here thee"
seeing this tinted glass makes me want to crash like making love to my pc
but you see the cracks and flaws of my game like the underground surface of peedy
call me an inspiration but my mic has been taken (by me)
and only time keeps ticking and waiting
dont spit on my grave like rappers at my funeral
at the end of my chapter i ask now in vain, who will rule
the game is 100% pressure, not enough value
you can play fake or play safe, but everybody will doubt you




feedback please, preforably feedback bar to bar

[Wreck]

p.s. gundolas are the things u ride in when ur on ferris wheels, u raise the bar down and up to get urself out of it when the rides over

[In$anity]

i raise the bar like gundolas mixed with cingular
if people are writing me off for the season, consider this my signature


^^^
best line.

This was one of your better free's. You even got me in the mood to write one.

My advice this time is just make sure you got a funny or a better punchline and you're well on your way in going to the top

[Wreck]

thanks for the feedback man, yea im writin one now as we speak, ill give feedback on whatever one u do and we'll go back n forth givin feedback on each others keystyles, sound good?

[In$anity]

Originally Posted by Wreck™

thanks for the feedback man, yea im writin one now as we speak, ill give feedback on whatever one u do and we'll go back n forth givin feedback on each others keystyles, sound good?

well i wanted to do a collab with you but it wont let me PM you. It's saying it cant find your name. you got a AIM or MSN ?

[Wreck]

wait it cant find my name on members list? and yea i got AIM but man, my aim hasnt been fuckin workin in a month for some reason, my internet works perfectly, but my aim says check ur connection, but im connected, but what u wanna do as far as a collab, like an audio track over a beat or we do somethin back and forth as a keystyle verse on here? either way im up for it man!

[In$anity]

my audio aint working right now but can do that fo sure in the future. right now i guess we could make a verse on a subject and drop it when we're done? If you ever get AIM working just add me. DoggFan5

[Wreck]

yea, thatd be cool, we'll do a certain amount of bars back and forth on one subject, do it for a bunch of diff subjects for as long as we want if u want, and aiight will do homie, hopefully it gets workin soon, fuckin aim lol, p.s. i cant stop writin tonight, just posted another keystyle (u dont have to feedback on that one if u dont wanna) and now writin another one, u writin any more?

[In$anity]

i'ma write a lyrical, crazy ass verse as if i was smoking something. i'ma start now. PM me your verse when you're done and ill post our collab up. Just make it a funny ass verse. it'll be good.

[Wreck]

aiight ill try, its hard for me 2 make all or most of the bars funny cuz i speak on real shit lol but wont hurt, is their a specific topic or are we just spittin